I recently started a new adventure. I’ve transferred to an university about five hours from home. As much as I’ve always wanted to advance my learning, I haven’t had an easy time adjusting here. Usually the first thing people ask when you tell them you’re at a college is “what’s your major?” Well people. That’s tricky answer.
You see I don’t know. I have a declared major, but I don’t understand why I’m majoring in it. It’s not that I don’t like my major (I really like it), it’s just that there aren’t many jobs available after graduation. And isn’t the whole point of getting a degree to get a job? So I really don’t know why I’m going to college. Also God isn’t really speaking much about what he’s doing with me right now so really I’m just having to trust. Believe me when I say I’m trying to trust…through my confusion, frustration, doubt, and complete meltdowns (sorry mom).
As much as I keep trying to convince myself that I should pack up and go home, God keeps stepping in and saying “trust me a little longer.” So I’ve come up with a plan (because if I can’t make a plan of my life I can make a plan about not having a plan of life, right?).
Step one. Admit that I’m no okay with not knowing. As the old saying goes “before you can fix a problem, you have to admit you have one.” Not only am I admitting this to myself but I’m telling God. Obviously He already knows this, but somehow talking to God about my problems ends up with us being closer and His voice being clearer. And really God is a fantastic listener.
Step two. Praise Him for this mess. Radical move, I know. Here is the thing: no matter how hard it gets, something fantastic is going to come from this. It sure doesn’t feel like it and I for sure don’t want to thank God for difficulties, but when I give praise for a situation that I don’t understand and don’t like, I am saying that I God knows best despite my doubts.
Step three. Take the next step. There comes a time when I’ve just got to do it. And God has been so good to cut the steps into baby step and the baby steps into shuffles…actually, we are probably at the point where He’s carrying me while I freak out.
Step four. Repeat as often as needed.
So that’s it folks. My plan about not having a plan. Now my plan is to finish my instructors’ plans for homework (which I really think is a secret plan to see how far they can go without exploding my brain).